I'm dealing hope by sharing stories & tips on caregiving and how to survive hard things.
hey there,
Ask me to describe myself and I've got four different answers.
I am:
Ask me to describe myself and I've got four different answers. I am:
a mom (a good one, at that) and a caregiver by nature
a driven, professional woman who gets things done
still the fearless 17yo version of myself who has big dreams
scared shitless
We've got this.
Life can be HARD. But full of joy too. My life has been full of ups and downs, but I'm surviving. Let me help you build bridges to avoid the pitfalls so your journey can be smoother than mine has been.
Life can be HARD. But full of joy too.
My life has been full of ups and downs, but I'm surviving. Let me help you build bridges to avoid the pitfalls so your journey can be smoother than mine has been.
Hi, I'm Stacey
Hi, I'm Stacey - and these are my loves who inspired the name 'Willowjak'
my three loves
Will, Owen & Jake (Willowjak)
Single Mom to Will, Owen & Jake.
Community Builder. Professional. Dreamer. Juggler.
A Boss. Caregiver.
Auntie Daychee. Loyal.
Autism Parent.
Optimist. Justice Warrior.
Ally. Book Addict. Writer.
Proud Canadian. PFLAG Parent.
Debater. Hard Ass.
Pug & Golden Mama.
Older Sister.
Sentimental. Joy Seeker.
Mother of Multiples. Believer.
Hope Dealer.
Worrier. Memory Maker.
Hard Cider Lover.
Small Town Girl.
Indigenous Descendant.
Forever Student. Over-Sharer.
Single Mom to Will, Owen & Jake.
Community Builder. Professional. Dreamer. Juggler. A Boss. Caregiver.
Auntie Daychee. Loyal.
Autism Parent.
Optimist. Justice Warrior.
Ally. Book Addict. Writer.
Proud Canadian. PFLAG Parent.
Debater. Hard Ass.
Pug & Golden Mama. Older Sister.
Sentimental. Joy Seeker. Mother of Multiples. Believer. Hope Dealer.
Worrier. Memory Maker.
Hard Cider Lover. Small Town Girl.
Indigenous Descendant.
Forever Student. Over-Sharer.
WillowjakMama
WillowjakMama
____________________________
uh oh. This is harder than we THOUGHT
mom can't go back to work -
change of plan
shit just got real!
ACCESSED SUPPORTS & SERVICES FOR THE TWINS
PACKED EVERYTHING UP, MOVED ACROSS THE COUNTRY TO CALGARY, ALBERTA
WENT BROKE PAYING FOR PRIVATE THERAPY FUNDRAISED
WAITLISTS, WAITLISTS, WAITLISTS
OWEN & WILL BOTH DIAGNOSED WITH SEVERE AUTISM
2012
homesick FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS
time to move back to ontario
missing strawberries, apples & great lakes
2005-6
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____________________________
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SURPRISE! I'M NOW A MOM OF 3 UNDER 2!
GAVE BIRTH TO FRATERNAL TWINS -
OWEN & WILL
2003
JAKE WAS BORN &
MADE ME A PARENT
JAKE WAS BORN & MADE ME A PARENT
2001
MARRIED MY HIGHSCHOOL
SWEETHEART
MARRIED MY HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART
1999
moved from Toronto back to the
small town I grew up in
WORKED WITH ADULTS & TEENS WITH DEVELOPMENTAL DISABILITIES
1992-1997
The Road to here
AFTER NEARLY A DECADE AS A STAY-AT-HOME MOM, DIPPED MY TOE BACK INTO THE REAL WORLD & GOT A PART-TIME JOB IN A GOVERNMENT OFFICE
what a year, eh?
2014
2020
HUBBY BAILED
___________________
IF I THOUGHT LIFE HAD BEEN DIFFICULT UP UNTIL NOW, I HAD NO CLUE HOW HARD IT WOULD GET ON MY OWN
____________________________
WORKING FULL-TIME IS NOW NON-NEGOTIABLE
HOW CAN I DO THIS?!!!
2015-2020
JAKE SUFFERS
HE IS THE VICTIM OF AN ASSAULT
life becomes an exercise in survival: hang on by your fingertips, hop from crisis to crisis and keep that smile on your face
2018
THE CHRONIC STRESS I'VE BEEN LIVING WITH STARTS TO SHOW ITSELF IN MY PHYSICAL HEALTH
THE WHEELS FINALLY FALL OFF
SOMETHING NEEDS TO GIVE BEFORE I HAVE A HEART ATTACK
had to go on a leave from work
THEN WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT...
____________________________
IT BECAME THE YEAR OF SURVIVAL & SELF-CARE
____________________________
I WANTED TO GET UNSTUCK SO I STARTED THE WILLOWJAK - JOURNEY TO WELLNESS BLOG & HAD SOME INSPIRING FRIENDS HELP ME OUT
2021
after a year of intense focus on my mental health & wellness
after more than 250 posts on our blog
after coming through the pandemic relatively unscathed except for rattled nerves from an anxiety-riddled family...
JAKE MOVES OUT TO TORONTO
IT'S A CHALLENGING YEAR FOR HIM, BEING ON HIS OWN IN A PANDEMIC - BUT HE GETS CLEAN & I'VE GOT MY BABY BACK
IT'S TIME TO GROW MY COMMUNITY TO FIND THE JOY-HUNTERS LIKE ME
IT'S TIME TO GET MY BOYS & I OUT OF ISOLATION AND INTO THE WORLD TO FIND OUR PEOPLE
I'M READY TO OFFER MY SUPPORT TO OTHER PARENTS LIKE ME WHO STRUGGLE WITH OVERWHELMING CHALLENGES, SO THAT YOU CAN FIND SOME BALANCE THAT INCLUDES LESS ANXIETY, BETTER STRESS MANAGEMENT &
SOME LOVE FOR YOURSELF AS WELL
IT'S TIME TO START LIVING AGAIN
_____________________________
I'M RE-ENVISIONING OUR FUTURE & RE-INVENTING WILLOWJAK
_____________________________
IT BEGINS WITH THIS NEW WEBSITE - WELCOME!
HERE'S TO GREAT THINGS IN 2021!
THE TRAUMA TRIGGERS THE BEGINNING OF AN UNRAVELING AND HE IS DIAGNOSED WITH PTSD, BI-POLAR, BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER, DEPRESSION & ANXIETY
next comes addiction - we are all suffering now
2013
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the move back was so hard on Will. It was over a year of extreme behaviours that had a massive impact on all of us
I was in my 20's when I attended a weekend workshop that was designed to help you overcome whatever hardship was holding you back from your growth. There was an exercise that required me to write out my story, filled with all the boohoos I could muster. When I was finished, I was paired up with a stranger and we sat knee to knee in uncomfortable chairs and we were asked to tell each other our story while never breaking eye contact. I bawled my way through my story and then I bawled while listening to the tragic telling of his. But then.. we were told to repeat the exercise. Over. And over. And over again. We spent a whole afternoon telling that same story.
PAGE 1
Our stories don't define us.
but their re-telling can help others to find hope,
or find themselves in you.
Stacey & Storytelling
chapter 1
-- I hated my story. I hated the sound of my voice telling my story. I lost all emotion associated with that story. Any temptation to feel sorry for myself disappeared as the story lost its power in the repeating.
What I learned that day is that my story does not define me. They are only words. I've never forgotten that lesson, though many stories have been lived since my 20's, whose after-effects continue to cause real-life suffering.
PAGE 2
Stacey & Storytelling
You know what happened?
pg. 1
click for the next page
PAGE 3
Stacey & Storytelling
chapter 2
prioritizing the marriage, so his discontent was not a surprise. But I believed we were a team that would navigate this lifetime journey with our kids together and now I was on my own to figure it all out. My life literally became 100% consumed by the needs of my children with no breathing room to take care of myself. I didn't expect that.
3 - His dad's timing to end the marriage, combined with my young teen being the victim of a traumatic assault, triggered the downward spiral of his mental health that led to many different diagnoses and eventually led to addiction. We all lived many lifetimes over between his age from 15 to 20.
PAGE 4
Stacey & Storytelling
pg. 2
Stacey & Storytelling
Life stories are often defined by a specific moment that tells of life before and life after.
My story has 3 defining moments. Life was one way before and then it was suddenly turned on its head, where it became the life after.
1 - My twins were both diagnosed with severe autism at age two. Later diagnoses came; Owen with severe apraxia (non-verbal) and Sensory Processing Disorder; Will with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). The labels don't mean much. But the realization that my boys were going to have a myriad of extra challenges changed the trajectory of our life in an instant.
2 - My husband left. The rug was pulled out from under me. We had a lot of issues and our life was not conducive to
My story has 3 defining moments. Life was one way before and then it was suddenly turned on its head, where it became the life after.
1 - My twins were both diagnosed with severe autism at age two. Later diagnoses came; Owen with severe apraxia (non-verbal) and Sensory Processing Disorder; Will with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). The labels don't mean much. But the realization that my boys were going to have a myriad of extra challenges changed the trajectory of our life in an instant.
2 - My husband left. The rug was pulled out from under me. We had a lot of issues and our life was not conducive to prioritizing the marriage, so his discontent was not a surprise. But I believed we were a team that would navigate this lifetime journey with our kids together and now I was on my own to figure it all out. My life literally became 100% consumed by the needs of my children with no breathing room to take care of myself. I didn't expect that.
3 - His dad's timing to end the marriage, combined with my young teen being the victim of a traumatic assault, triggered the downward spiral of his mental health that led to many different diagnoses and eventually led to addiction. We all lived many lifetimes over between his age from 15 to 20.
click for the next page
PAGE 5
Stacey & Storytelling
chapter 3
I'm sure you go through tough stuff too. Have you ever felt alone in your problems, like no one else could possibly understand your suffering?
Or maybe you're a seeker of inspiration. You draw strength from others who have come through challenging times. More than anything, I believe that our communities are stronger when there is compassion for others. How else are you supposed to put yourself in someone else's shoes, than to hear of their experience first-hand?
PAGE 6
Stacey & Storytelling
Why am I so fond of storytelling if I don't believe they hold power, you may ask?
Because my stories don't have power over me anymore. But there is still great value in sharing them. Telling them often shakes them out of my brain so I can clear the way for new experiences. It helps me process tough stuff. And more than anything, I believe that it benefits my kids for people to understand them a little better too.
How do others benefit from hearing them?
I don't want to preach. But I promise you that this is a motto that has served me so well. It's what picks me up when I don't think I've got another step in me and it's what gives me hope when I'm in the dark and can't find the light switch.
I'm not stuck in those old stories. They hold no power because everyday is a new opportunity with choice in how we want to approach it
Stacey & Storytelling
pg. 3
I'm not stuck in those old stories. They hold no power because everyday is a new opportunity with choice in how we want to approach it
I don't want to preach. But I promise you that this is a motto that has served me so well. It's what picks me up when I don't think I've got another step in me and it's what gives me hope when I'm in the dark and can't find the light switch.
How do others benefit from hearing them?
click to return to beginning
Stacey's Right Hand.
Owen & Will's Honorary Sister.
Middle Child.
Friend. Daughter. Sister.
Non-Confrontational.
Peace Keeper.
Ally. Dog Person.
Trashy Reality TV obsessed.
University Grad.
Taco Lover. Spider Hater.
Patient. Listener. Caregiver.
In it for the underdog.
Easy going. Hard worker.
Shy.
hi, I'm (shy) Liza
(for all things Willowjak)
east toronto, Ontario
fresh start
she/her
I have always wanted to be a naturopathic doctor even before I knew this career existed. As a kid, I loved learning about the power of healing. I talked at length with family and friends about vitamins and minerals and, because I grew up with social worker parents, I was also passionate about mental health.
Like so many others, I ignored my heart and followed another career path. But I was miserable and lost. I worked as a flight attendant for a few years and, while traveling the world, decided to be a doctor.
Unfortunately, my personal life took an unexpected turn: I got sick, divorced, and depressed. All three, while connected, were also a painful eye-opening gift. I needed to prioritize my health and decided that I had no choice but to go back to school and become a naturopathic doctor.
It was not easy. I worked full time while in medical school and had a baby in my third year just to keep things interesting. But it was who I was meant to be and I never looked back. That’s why I’m so passionate about helping others become who they are meant to be. As E.E. Cummings stated, “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are”.
Dr. Jen Parsons, N.D.
Meet Our
Resident Bloggers
I’d like to say I fall into the “sandwich generation” – and while I have no children of my own to care for – I find myself falling somewhere in between caring for my mother and caring for my sanity.
When I am not working, I have the honour of helping look after my amazing mother, who has suffered 2 strokes in the past 11 years. Being a caregiver is not for the faint of heart, and if I am being honest, it can be a crappy club to be a member of. I have fallen down more times than I care to count through this journey, but while channeling my incredible stubbornness, strength (both of which I come by honestly,) and several F-words (Faith, Family, Friends and Food), I keep getting back up.
Durham Region, Ontario
Amanda Coolman
Meet Our
Resident Bloggers
she/her
I’m a Métis wife, mother, daughter, friend, teacher, advocate.
I love coffee and squirrels.
I married my high school sweetheart and don’t know where I’d be without him.
I’m mama bear to two amazing sons with autism who teach me things every day.
I struggle with anxiety and depression.
I find joy in the little things in life.
I discovered my Métis heritage in my 20s and have been learning about Indigenous traditions and issues since.
Life has taken me on many twists and turns I never saw coming.
I try to walk the path with Bravery and look to Love.
Durham Region, Ontario
Marilyn R.
Meet Our
Resident Bloggers
she/her
The first thing you should know about me is that I am extremely high energy. You will definitely see that in my writing.
I hope to use my energy for good through this medium, spreading positive messages and taking the often overlooked approach to things we see in our day to day lives. With that said, most of my writing will also include an element of stoicism, whether outrightly referenced or not, as I use that in addition to my positive mindset daily to deal with the world around me.
The world we live in is a strange and often scary place; the right approach helps make it not-so-strange and not-so-scary.
somewhere, canada
he/him
Nicholas M.
Meet Our
Resident Bloggers
Hi, my name is Liv, and I recently graduated from high school in Bowmanville, Ontario. I am the youngest McClelland girl and the most recent sister to write for Willowjak. I love watching basketball, sipping on overpriced coffee, singing along to the Hamilton soundtrack, and cuddling with my pup. I hope to share my experience of being a young person graduating, working a student job in customer service, and simply growing up through these weird times. I have recently started my own mental health journey and want to take you all along with me as I discover what works and what doesn’t for my well-being. I love writing and am so grateful that Willowjak has given me a place to let you see the world through my eyes & I can’t wait to share it with you!
durham region, ontario
she/her
Liv McClelland
Meet Our
Resident Bloggers
I am a 33 year old Step-Mom to three kids who would describe me as a dramatic, fun-loving hopeless romantic (insert eyeroll). I’m a transplant from Pickering, Ontario who is currently living in Calgary, Alberta. My friends would describe me as an open-book, a safe space and an ever evolving shoulder to cry on (my friend told me to say that). I work with children with special needs; a career inspired by my involvement with Willowjak.
I have been thrown some pretty big curve balls in my short time here on this planet but, have faced them with a good book in hand and a cup of tea on my night stand. My hope is that what I have experienced in my life can be of use to others. Some support to prove that we are not alone; though we may feel like we are, that we are seen; though we feel invisible and that we have a voice; though we may not know we have one yet.
– Ms. Devine/Mitchell/Mitch
calgary,
alberta
she/her
Michelle Devine
Meet Our
Resident Bloggers
I am a stay-at-home mom in my 40s, still finding it hard to believe that this is my title in life. Mom of two young girls and married to a pilot (in other words… part time single parent). I am ‘Auntie Boom’ to Willowjak, and have the tattoo to prove it!
In order to ensure that I continue to follow in my big sister Stacey’s footsteps, life decided to throw me a curveball. My youngest was born with a mysterious disability that several doctors refused to acknowledge. She was diagnosed with autism at 2, and finally the genetic disorder DDX3X at 5. I’m almost always tired, and I feel as though my goal in life is to survive. I’m sure that I am not alone on this quest.
Peel region, Ontario
she/her
Steph D.
Meet Our
Resident Bloggers
Hi, I’m Deb. I started writing a third-person bio meant for a grown up, but I couldn’t stop laughing. So here I am, factory-direct. I’m quite frankly flabbergasted that I am here at all. Seriously, I’m a 64 year old aging hippie with a sarcastic tongue and out of control ginger hair. Side passions for writing, design, pot throwing, and music.
I woke up one day and found myself sucker punched into a life I never dreamed I would have to live. I have made a LOT of mistakes (with more doozies probably to come, according to my youngest spawn who says “you’re always doing dumb things, mom, it’s so annoying”). I am passionate in advocating for women “of a certain age”, especially we single ones, because we aren’t quite dead yet, in spite of the fact that we are often largely invisible and made to feel redundant on many levels. (No, I will not go quietly into that good night). I refuse to act or dress “appropriately” for my age. I am also a staunch defender of the right to love who you love, and being free to be fully who you are, in any way that floats your boat. That we need to re-embrace the ways of those who were here first if we ever want to save this planet (and ourselves). I hope to make you think, make you laugh; and mostly, feel like no matter where you are in life, you are never alone, and whatever dumb thing you think is going to sink you, won’t. Because heaven knows if that were true, I wouldn’t be here.
durham region, Ontario
she/her
Deb P.
Meet Our
Resident Bloggers
Amy recently graduated with a degree in Therapeutic Recreation. University does not come naturally to a person with a learning disability, making Amy uniquely proud of her undergraduate accomplishments. Amy is working to be more open about her disability and strives to view her learning challenges as an opportunity for growth in resilience and creativity. She has worked with rehab patients, people with disabilities, veterans and mental health clients searching for more equitable access to community recreation. She is currently working in Recreation Therapy at a physical and respiratory rehab hospital in north Toronto. She believes wholeheartedly in the therapeutic benefit of doing what you love, as often as you can!
toronto,
Ontario
she/her
Amy M.
Meet Our
Resident Bloggers
I need to be clear about something. I keep talking about having a hard life. And it is. But I know there are people suffering everyday, with challenges far greater than mine.
Make no mistake, I practice gratitude everyday for the blessings that I have. All pain is the same. It all hurts.
However.
I also know that it's not about the pain itself, but it's about the choices we make in how we handle it. It's about our mindset. it's about the journey.
i hope you'll stick around on this journey so we can work through some tough stuff together.
IPADS & WI-FI
can't live without
ALL THINGS JIM HENSON
favourite show
SWIMMING & THRIFT STORES
CURRENT HOBBY
NUTELLA
PASSIONATE ABOUT
THE (OG) WIGGLES
CELEBRITY OBSESSION
FAMILY EDITION
toy story
lion king
smelly markers
I'm ALL ABOUT
Real talk,
strong drinks,
short emails,
helping you find
your superpower
I'M NOT ABOUT
Comparison,
bandaid fixes,
bullsh*t,
feet,
that hustle game
the daily life
“KINDRED SPIRITS are not so scarce as I used to think. It's splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world.”
WORdS TO LIVE BY
― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables
Exhausted like me?
Too tired to read our blog everyday but don't want to miss the highlights and updates?
No need to apologize for being honest - in fact, I appreciate it! Fill in the form below if you'd like to be kept in the loop with Willowjak. I promise to share whatever tips I've got to help with the stress and sleep thing too!
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